My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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