I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
