If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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