May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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