so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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