marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
