The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
