google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
