I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize