so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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