I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I want her autograph on my taint
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
