Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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