I'm jealous of your bromance
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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