I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
