So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
