So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize