I'm lost and stupid without you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
