My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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