that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
