new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
