i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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