the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
