I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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