There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
