You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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