Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize