It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
