i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
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I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
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"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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