but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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