happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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