If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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