I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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