so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
