I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
