Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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