In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I would ride that face into the sunset
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