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The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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