So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Your dad touched me again.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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