She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
