Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
