wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
