Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
