Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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