it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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