I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Success! We fucked roommates!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
