I seem to have left my pride at pride
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
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The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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