Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
