so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
