Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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