there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
