Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
