turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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