She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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