I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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