I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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