He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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