I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You're a waste of cheezeits
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
