I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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