No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
