Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
