Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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