she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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