she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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