I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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