Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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