just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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