im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
