ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
