didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
