how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
