Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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