i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
