why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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