Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
