If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
