I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize