Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
