If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
