You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
