Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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