Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
