You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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