gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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