Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
