my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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