My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
